#��~how about a little pattycake

[darlingpassion]

WAIT.

Something just occurred to me that I dont think we've ever talked about. A very terrible one, so- trigger warning for sexual assault (the whole Lottie conception thing).

So Rena fucks black-out-drunk Smartass on a really bad night after a terrible fight with King. She was under the influence of hard drugs, but, still- she was more Aware, then he was. He resembled her husband, and in her fucked-up, drug-addled mind, gravitated towards him. Used him. Left early and got pregnant.

It was a fucked up situation all around but Rena was definitely the instigater and in a bad place head-wise; emotionally erratic and a loose canon.

Well... in the universe where they all know eachother eventually- does Shiny k n o w??? Does Poppy know??? If King found out about Lottie, Rena would definitely tell him the whole story. But I don't think she'd go around telling just anyone (or if she'd even care. Or think about it at all. Getting drunk and fucked up and doing 'fucked up shit' (little baby firefly reference for you to lighten the mood XD ) is an all the time kinda thing for her after all). And I doubt that Smartass would, either. So...

??? What do you think? Maybe King tells them. How do they react? 🤔

(Oh god what of LOTTIE found out. She already doesn't want her mother, now she's about to kick this woman's ass)

This... I knew we had to confront it when we started to ship our OC's together, but I was afraid to 😅😭😅😭

Hooooooooo boy. Ok. Lemme break this down. I've been simmering on this ask for the past couple of days cause I wanna D I S C U S S this-

First off- whether or not Poppy and Shiny know what Rena did.

Hm... I feel like it's kind of yes, kind of no? And Shiny knows more than Pops does. Obviously, they don't know who the mother is, and if Smartass can't remember that night, then he's either blocked the memory out or he was that black out drunk. I don't think the darker side of this would really sink in for Poppy early on because, although she does know creeps exist, she imagines them being more confrontational; she did kind of grow up sheltered, and the only creeps she's encountered in Downtown are those who aren't subtle. So she doesn't think about the consequences of leaving your drink open in a crowded bar, or someone waiting until you're inebriated and not sound of mind to invite you over to their place (i really really really want to write Poppy getting drugged at a bar while hanging out with Greasy or Shiny, and they notice and take care if shit. Kind of like your Jim x Reader drabble). It took her a while to realize that how she and Henry met was also pretty predatory on his part, though.

Remember when I told you I imagine Poppy actually being there the night Lottie was dropped off on their doorstep? I also see her, after getting over the shock of a baby in this mobster house, trying to help Smarty retrace his steps so they can figure out where the baby even came from, "Ok, do you remember where you were nine months ago?" "Who the hell keeps track a'that!?" "Nobody, but in this case, we really need to figure that out-" Whether Smartsss remembers and tells her or not, after thinking it over, I think Poppy would suspect that Smartass was also taken advantage of and is scared and sorry for him. She'll ask him if he's OK and assure him it wasn't his fault, even if he tries to brush it off. As usual, Poppy would go into well-meaning-but-kinda-overbearing mode. She hopes that maybe the mother was also drunk- it's still bad for them both, but it's better than if she soberly saw Smartass in the state he was in and slept with him still. She wouldn't be sure if she should keep Lottie's hope up for her mother in this case since they only know Smartass' side, and will listen if he or Lottie says they aren't interested in the possibility that her mother may come back.

Shiny on the other hand, she's encountered nearly every type of fucker you could think of, especially now that she works in the adult entertainment industry. She's even fallen victim to some of them in the past. It's part of why she's so ready to square up and gouge someone's eye out if they give her the wrong vibe- hell, when she's out with her gals, especially Poppy, she's sniffing out for creeps while having fun. It's just second nature to her at this point. So when she was told about baby Lottie and heard that Smartass had no memory of that night, her alarm bells were already ringing in her head. Even if she annoys Smartass, she does see him as kind of like a little brother... A little brother who's a little asshole and got little man issues, but a little brother all the same (yes, that means she sees Stu as her little brother too. And he's a whole lot nicer than her other adopted brother XD), so she's also got that protective streak in her despite constantly teasing him.

She wants to find the bitch who took advantage of him, and tells him they should go find the mother- not for Lotties sake, but for his. Shiny is headstrong, so it'd take a lot for the guys to convince her to don't bother if Smarty doesn't want to go through all that trouble. Shiny wouldn't approve if Poppy tried to encourage Lottoe to be hopeful about her mother. Even if she wasn't such a monster like Shiny is imagining her to be, she still left her daughter. In Shiny's eyes, that's inexcusable. But maybe this is why Shiny hates Rena so much; she got the vibes from that woman without even finding out she was Lotties mother.

So even though Poppy and Shiny don't know the whole story, they both do end up suspecting and worried for him. Shiny would have no issues against telling Lottie that her mother is a bad person, and Poppy is trying to figure out what to tell Lottie when she asks (honestly they'd probably sit down together and go back and forth, especially if this is after Lottie asked Poppy if shes her mother and Poppy needs advice). If either of them met Rena after this?? And found out what she did???? Hoooooo boy.

Shiny is gonna start swinging, regardless if they've fucked or not. Enough said. Rena is a weapons expert, but Shiny inherited her dad's honey badger crack-head determination. It's anyone's fight at that rate.

Poppy? Ohhhhh ho ho ho, it depends on their relationship. If she just remained uncomfortable around Rena (which would happen in the Pocho, or any weasel ship, timeline. I don't care how alluring Rena turns it up, Poppy ain't cheating on her S/O), then this gives her more incentive to stay away from her. I can see her confronting Rena, even if it has been years at this rate. How could she have gone after a drunken man?! Even if she was having a bad day!? Don't even get me started on Poppy's thoughts about Rena only coming back into Lottie's life when she wants something. The mama bear in her would really rear to the surface if that happened.

If she and Rena started a relationship though??? Oh... Oh hell no. This is so much worse than Rena dropping Poppy for Henry. Poppy also confronts Rena here, but she's so much more angry and disgusted than she was with the topic of Henry. If Rena doesn't show some kind of remose for what she did, Poppy will break up with her... She might break up with Rena anyway- which is pretty big in and of itself because, as I'm sure you've noticed, Poppy has never been the breaker in a relationship. How do you think Rena would respond to that?

Now granted, Rena was also under the influence. But as you said, she was more aware. I think maybe this might make Poppy hesitate? She doesn't indulge in drugs (except that one time Wheezy got her high on weed by accident *cough*) and she prefers to drink on specific times, so she's not so in-tune with how inebriated someone can get and how in control they can be. Shiny, however, she is a hard drinker and smokes (she sticks to Marijuana herself, but she has had a few friends who indulged in more serious drugs. Her slasher self, though, indulges in them greatly), so she does know that there are various levels of sobriety and intoxication. And she's pretty sure Rena wasn't black out drunk like Smartass, especially since she actually remembers that night.

Poppy, conflicted and unsure: Shouldn't we... Aren't we supposed to take her condition that night into consideration, too??

Shiny: that's actually a good point, Pops.

Shiny: *turns to Rena* do you remember what happened that night?

Rena: Yeah-

Shiny: Then kindly go fuck yourself with a sandpaper wrapped cactus that's tipped with E. Coli.

Now as for King... Poppy would have mixed feelings. It's obvious he's not like Rena and doesn't agree with what she does, but why are they still together?? Yes, he loves her, but... *looks at Rena and her cheating hoe-ass* yeah... Meanwhile, Shiny is suspicious of him if he's still with Rena afterall this. What kind of skeletons does he have in his closet?? Other than the obvious. She would try to keep Poppy away from King if this happened in the Kingpop timeline.

As for Lottie. Poppy wants to protect her, so she'll try to stop her from kicking Rena's ass. Yes, she's got training from the navy, but she won't let her little neice get hurt! Let her take care of this, sweetie. You and your father need to get away from this woman. Shiny would jump into the fight first... But she'd let Lottie get her kicks in too. And they can go get a drink at the bar afterwards and either sit in silence or talk about it, whatever Lottie would want.

So, tldr, Poppy and Shiny may not be told all the details, but they would start to suspect on their own. And Riny and Renpop would be nonexistent in this AU.

Fuuuuuuucccckkkk this hurt my heart so bad, especially the part of me that loves the Rena ships despite how dysfunctional they'd be. But we needed this too. What do you think?

[xiao-come-home]

thinking ab doing pattycake with boothill to recalibrate his hands - 💫

TBIS is so CUTE 😭

At first, Boothill thinks you’re joking - I mean, cmon, pattycake? Isn’t it just baby stuff? He’s a grown man! He can calibrate his hands on his own! Though, he can’t fight much as soon as you give him your puppy eyes.

He sits down in front of you, and surprisingly… the pattycake is fun. In the beginning you were slow, gently hitting his palm against his, so his hands calibrate properly - and why the hell does it calibrate them better than anything else he’s tried before??

Either way, when his hands began to work properly, a mischievous thought has appeared in Boothill’s head - why not make it a little more challenging?

Boothill’s pattycake starts to become a match who’s faster and doesn’t mess up first - his face twists into a satisfying grin, “now, now, sugar - keep goin’, it’s gettin’ interesting! Can’t stop now, it was your idea to begin with, remember?” He flashes you his sharp teeth, “how about the winner has the loser do everything they want for a day?”

Boothill winks at you playfully, his voice dropping dangerously low, “and I mean, everything.”

[alicethenobody]

My headcanons about the Sparda twins coming back from hell.

-They’re stuck for about 11 months, after they find a way out after managing to sever those stupid roots so they don’t bother anybody anymore.

-Just in time for Patty’s 19th birthday party!

-Somehow they accidentally end up there, and chaos ensues.

-Patty scolds Dante for missing her birthday party last year and cries tears of joy at the same time knowing he’s finally home, she’d visited DMC everyday to see if Dante had turned up and now she doesn’t have to wait anymore to see him again. After the scolding she gives him as tight of a hug as she can. Dante promises to make it up to her and reassures her he didn’t mean to neglect her on her birthday. Patty demands double the presents, and even though he doubts he can afford much he’ll try to find a way. He can’t say no to Pattycakes.

-Btw for those who don’t know the novel reveals Dante planned on seeing Patty after handling Urizen, he just didn’t want to go to the party itself because he feels uncomfortable and like a freak around “normal” (his words) people like Patty’s friends and thinks he’s dangerous to be around.

-Vergil is confused. Very confused. They act a lot like family. Could Dante have had a kid? He never said anything about that.

-Nope. They’re just really tightly knit found family.

-Patty eventually starts roasting Dante like usual, mainly for how he smells horrible and his hair is a mess. She demands that he showers right now.

-Vergil decides he likes Patty already and teams up with her to roast his brother and tells him “Do what she says, Dante. You wouldn’t want to make her upset.” In the most smug way fucking possible.

-Dante wanted to go back to the shop right away considering he’d been gone for so long, but again, he really can’t say no to Patty.

-They return to DMC after that. Nero is there and he’s silently shocked for a moment when the twins walk through the door, in the middle of an argument about something really stupid. Probably about pizza toppings. Nothing really serious just normal sibling banter.

-“GUYS! GUYS! GUYS! Can we please talk?!”

-Dante, realizing Nero is there, is giddy to see his nephew. However… Nero gives him a swift uppercut to the jaw.

-This leads to Nero dragging Dante somewhere they can talk alone. He demands an explanation as to why Dante never told him about anything.

-This will be difficult, but Dante knows he needs to explain stuff to him. It’s only fair. He has a right to know.

-He doesn’t open up about his trauma that lead to all this, that’d be out of character. But he does explain to Nero the best he can that the Sparda family has a long, bloody and traumatic history and he thought if Nero got involved he’d get hurt and he didn’t want the only family he had left to get hurt, or ruin the happy life he was living with Kyrie.

-He expects another punch from Nero, he thinks he deserves it, but instead Nero crushes him with a hug.

-“Never fucking do that again, idiot. From now on we’re family, you got it? No more secrets.”

-Dante nearly cries as he says “You have my word, kid.” in the goofiest, most overjoyed way possible. Also he’s kinda nervous about it at first because he’s not used to receiving affection anymore but he hugs Nero back.

-Vergil on the other hand? Having a… relationship with him is gonna be difficult as hell. It’ll take a while before Vergil and Nero are comfortable around each other. Kyrie and Dante play a big role in helping the two, though Vergil was a lot more reluctant at first to accept his little bro’s help.

-Also Vergil lives with Dante and let’s just say the business is a lot better with him around. They still bicker a lot but it’s out of love because what siblings don’t annoy each other?

Will Nero ever learn about the Sparda family’s history in better detail? I have a lot of thoughts about that, as well as possible plot points in a DMC 6 type scenario but I just wanted this post to be about the immediate return from hell.

Edit: Wanted to mention I also have thoughts about Nero’s side of things while the twins were in hell about what he was doing and how he was feeling and all that stuff but this post is mainly about this twins.

[delimeful]

in sickness and in health (8)

warnings: captivity, arguing, remus talking about remus things, panic, gratuitous amount of puns, lmk if i missed any

-

“What’s going on?”

The impromptu staredown between all three humans was interrupted by Roman hurriedly leaning obnoxiously far over the counter, bodily blocking Patton’s view of the two borrowers.

“Patton!” he blurted, clearly aiming for a casual air and instead landing somewhere in the realm of ‘stewing in blatant panic and guilt’. “Hello there, what an unexpected and lovely surprise to see you here, in… the kitchen of your own home.”

Next to him, Virgil heard the small, distinct thwap of his fellow borrower’s palm meeting their face.

“…What’s going on?” Patton repeated, sounding far more awake this time.

“Extremely normal, non-fairy-related things,” Roman answered, visibly sweating.

“Extremely bloody Dionysian orgies,” Remus said at the same time, considerably louder.

Virgil could see just enough of Patton’s expression to watch the way it crinkled in a sort of morose confusion.

“In the kitchen?” he asked, voice pained, as though that was his main problem with the suggestion.

“If there aren’t any knives involved, can any orgy really be called Dionysian?” Remus replied in a faux-wise tone, lifting his arm to make a deeply inappropriate gesture in accompaniment with his words. This technically cleared the way back to the wall, but as it turned out, only for a moment.

Before either of them could get too hopeful about any chance of escape, Remus ended the gesture by quickly clapping his hands over the both of them in a makeshift dome shape.

Next to him, the other borrower only flinched a bit, but Virgil couldn’t help the outright squeak he made at the sudden limbs dropping down over them.

There was another pause from the humans above them, this one distinctly more harried.

“Um, guys?” Patton’s voice had gone from confused to concerned. “What was—?”

“Broken whoopee cushion,” Remus insisted. “Filled it with mayonnaise, you know how it goes.”

“He sneezed!” Roman added, his voice sliding up a few pitches. “Gesundheit, Remus! Totally nothing strange about that— Padre, wait!”

There were big steps drawing closer, now, and Remus’s hands cinched in a little tighter around the two of them. They were forced to huddle even closer together, and the other borrower’s bony elbow collided with his side in a way he wasn’t convinced was accidental.

He shot them a glare, which they returned with an expression that was equal parts indignant and frantic. After a second, they forced a barely-there whisper through grit teeth. “It’s your human. Will he hurt us?”

“How am I supposed to know?!” Virgil hissed back, just as quiet. “I didn’t ever get caught before you showed up!”

Not while the human was conscious enough to remember it, anyhow.

The other borrower’s eyes narrowed into slits, reminding Virgil that he probably shouldn’t be antagonizing the guy that already proved themself willing to try and murder him once. Before they could respond, though, the conversation over their heads continued.

“Guys,” Patton said, sounding stern. “What have we said about wrangling critters in my home?”

“That it was a firmly banned activity after the Great Frog Croak-tastrophe?” Roman guessed sheepishly. “And, y’know, that was certainly a fair and just ruling for that situation, however—!”

“Nuh-uh, I don’t wanna hear it,” Patton replied, unwavering. Virgil could practically envision the way his human was standing from his tone alone: hands on his hips, eyebrows raised expectantly. “Frog or not, I’m sure whatever you two caught will be much hoppier once they’re released safely outside, right Remus?”

“Eh, you might not feel the same after you see them, Pattycakes,” Remus warned. “I know I’m usually the harbinger of pests, wrangler of rats, champion of centipedes, but not even I know what to do about these guys.”

There was the shuffle of clothing, like Patton was shifting in place, and he sighed. “Well, I guess we’ll just have to figure it out together, huh?”

There was a moment of hesitation where Virgil assumed the twins were exchanging a wordless meaningful look, as they so often did, and then the distinct slide of glass across a countertop.

The moment the hands around them twitched, Virgil shifted into a crouched position, drawing his legs under him and preparing to bolt the moment there was space, even if it was probably totally futile. Next to him, he could feel the other borrower doing much the same.

Rather than lift off of them, however, the hands shifted to pinch even closer together, forming the shape of a spade, like a pair of nut shells that had been glued back together at the edges, leaving a hollow space inside. The two of them were forced to scramble upwards into the hold or get limbs stuck in between the sides of Remus’s palms as he scooped them up off the counter completely.

Virgil’s stomach dropped at the upwards movement, completely out of his control, and he reached out and latched onto the side of the other borrower’s shirt with a white-knuckled grip. They were still at least a little concussed, and Virgil wasn’t letting them get separated now, not when he’d already gotten himself into the most terrifying situation in his life saving them. Wherever they were going, they’d at least be stuck in it together.

To his surprise, the other borrower gripped him right back.

After only a few seconds, they were lowered and deposited onto a familiar smooth surface. Virgil grit his teeth at the feeling, resisting the urge to scream in frustration. He’d just gotten out of this stupid glass pitcher!

He didn’t get much time to seethe indignantly, however, because the moment Remus’s hands pulled away, there were much bigger problems to face.

Three of them, to be precise.

Heart in his throat, Virgil slowly lifted his head to look up at the face of his human, warped through the curve of the glass.

With a confused furrow to his brow, Patton moved to take a step closer, and then stopped short as the sight before him properly registered. His hand flew up to cover his mouth, his eyes widening with surprise. “Oh my!”

“I toad you so,” Remus interjected unhelpfully.

Roman cuffed his shoulder, and Remus immediately jabbed two fingers into Roman’s side in retaliation. It was only a firm warning look from Patton that kept them from devolving into another slap fight during the most terrifying moment of Virgil’s life.

Virgil shifted to stand, shuffling back until he didn’t have to crane his neck so painfully to make eye contact. Humans were so big, and it had never been more evident than it was now, staring up at giants.

Staring up at Patton. He was pretty sure he’d had a nightmare that had gone exactly like this. Well, minus the concussed would-be assassin. And the frog puns.

Patton, for his part, had developed a genuinely distressed twist to his features as he took in the sight of the two of them. After a moment of wavering, his gaze settled firmly on Virgil, sending a prickling sense of alarm up his spine.

“Hello again,” said Patton, smiling at him.

Virgil froze. The borrower behind him froze. Even the twins froze for a moment, before their heads both snapped around to stare at Patton with eerie synchronization.

“You know them?!” two voices asked, in two very different tones.

Virgil felt dread drop into his gut like a stone down a sewer grate. There was no way.

“I know one of them,” Patton answered, unperturbed by everyone’s shock. “That’s the little guy who helped take care of me while I was sick!”

He lifted a hand in demonstration and wiggled his fingers, the healing burns on them still visibly shiny.

The twins gaped. “He what?”

Behind him, in a far more bewildered tone, the other borrower echoed them: “You what?”

“You shut up,” Virgil muttered sourly without turning to look at them. His heart was practically shaking in his ribcage, knowing that the human had remembered all along, that Patton had returned home well-aware of the intruder in his walls.

The realization felt chilling, like a thimble of icy water had been dumped down his shirt. Patton hadn’t acted strange at all, hadn’t cast any speculative glances at the walls or scanned any shelves for undersized intruders. The twins and their ghost-hunting equipment clearly hadn’t known the truth, so why would Patton? Virgil hadn’t even suspected.

Who knew what would have happened after Roman and Remus left, and it was only the two of them, with Virgil blissfully unaware of the danger he was in?

Well. Caught like this, he supposed he was going to find out soon.

Patton’s smile faded, carefully watching the way Virgil’s chest was visibly shuddering with too-shallow breaths.

“You thought I froggot, huh?” he said, looking inexplicably sad. “I thought about it while I was in the hospital, and I kinda figured we’re really not supposed to know about you guys. That means it was pretty darn brave of you to try and help me anyways.”

Virgil swallowed, fear sticking in his throat. He didn’t know what to say. He certainly didn’t feel brave.

The other borrower stepped up to be at his side, ignoring Virgil’s reflexive attempt to shoulder them back behind him.

“I suppose the saying is true, then.” They paused, narrowing their eyes in a silent challenge. “No good deed goes unpunished.”

The encompassing flourish they made was a little wobbly, as though their balance was still off, but it got the point across: Patton had recovered from his illness, and they were stuck in a pitcher on his counter.

Virgil’s incredulity at the other borrower was enough to snap him out of the worst of his frozen terror, his head whipping to the side to stare at them.

They were insane. They had to be, using such sharp words and an even sharper tone with a human. This was just about the worst time to instigate an argument. The two of them were stuck in a pitcher on his counter!

Unsurprisingly, neither of the twins looked particularly happy with the accusatory turn the conversation had taken. Patton had been their friend for a long time. They had always jumped at the opportunity to defend him from harm in the past, and Virgil doubted that would change now.

For all their tomfoolery, the two of them could be downright vicious when they were angry. If they were willing to tear fellow humans a new one for messing with Patton, it was gruesome to imagine what they’d do to a pair of borrowers. They’d already been terrifying enough when they’d only been curious about him.

Before either of them could begin to speak, however, Patton nodded once, almost to himself, and pivoted to face his friends.

“Howsabout you two get started on cleaning up the living room so we can settle down and get some proper sleep?” he asked, the request firm enough that it was clearly more of an instruction than a suggestion.

Both twins started protesting immediately, looking extremely put out at the idea of abandoning Patton with their exciting new find. They were talking over each other, the words tangling and becoming an indecipherable mess by the time they reached Virgil, but he was fairly certain he heard phrases like “—but I’ll only lie awake haunted by fairy law and order,” and, “—you can’t keep me away from my new pyromaniac bestie!” in the mix.

“Mhmm, yup, we can discuss all of that later,” Patton replied stoutly, ushering the two of them towards the entrance to the kitchen with insistent sweeping gestures, like a shepherd with his herd. “There’ll be plenty of time to talk over breakfast in the morning, but it’s getting late, so hop to it!”

“We’re being banished with frog puns! This is an amphibian atrocity,” Roman bemoaned.

“Froggin’ unbelievable,” Remus agreed. 

However, even with all their complaints, they seemed to understand that Patton wasn’t budging this time, and reluctantly allowed themselves to be shooed out of the kitchen like the world’s noisiest sheep.

At Virgil’s shoulder, the other borrower took the opportunity to lean in while the humans were across the room.

“You ‘didn’t ever get caught,’ hmm?” they asked, still far too smug considering the situation they were in.

A muscle in Virgil’s eye twitched. Despite everything, he wasted a moment considering the merits of trying to inflict another head injury on his fellow captive. They’d been a lot more tolerable with the beginnings of a concussion.

“Do you want to go back to trying to stab each other?” he snapped instead, stepping pointedly away even as he made the thinly-veiled threat. “Because it seems like you want to go back to trying to stab each other.”

“Oh, I’m so terrified,” they replied drolly, crossing their arms. “Won’t someone save me from the horrible Monoxide assassin and his entirely genuine threats?”

Virgil stared at them for a moment, disbelieving. “You know, I think I actually liked you better when you were trying to murder me in cold blood.”

“Don’t lose hope. Maybe I’ll try again later,” they retorted with a dangerous glint in their eye, and then they were both falling silent as Patton approached once more.

Out of the corner of his eye, Virgil caught the contemplative frown that flashed over the other borrower’s face, the only glimpse of their consternation at facing down a human. They may have had plans aplenty to deal with the twins, but Patton was clearly more of an unknown to them.

…Virgil knew Patton. He’d spent enough time watching the human to get attached, grown familiar enough with Patton’s life to cheer on his efforts and fret over his disappointments. He should be able to find the right words to get them out of this, convince his human the way the other borrower had effortlessly fooled Roman, but… he couldn’t.

It was impossible to think up a strategy for this situation. How could he possibly reconcile Patton, the guy who helped organize weekly PTA bake sales and volunteered to look after kittens he was allergic to and cried when he saw roadkill, with a human who knew, who would keep them trapped, who needed to be pleaded with for their release?

How was he supposed to bargain with a monster if he couldn’t even accept that the monster existed?

“I’m sorry if the twins frightened you,” Patton said, voice lowered to a softer volume. “They tend to be very exuberant, but they don’t mean any harm.”

The other borrower looked as though they were on the brink of scoffing at the very idea that they couldn’t handle Roman and Remus, a defensive slant to their shoulders.

“Why?” The word tumbled from Virgil’s mouth without his permission, his shoulders hunching under the undivided focus of Patton’s gaze.

“Why what?” he asked, tilting his head slightly like a confused dog.

“If you knew,” Virgil forced out, fingernails digging into his palms, “why didn’t you tell them? Or— or look for me?”

Understanding settled onto Patton’s expression, and he hummed thoughtfully, as though considering how to phrase his answer.

“If you wanted to be seen, you would have come out and said hi,” he finally said, simply. “You saved my life by calling for help. If you wanted to stay a secret, the least I could do is make sure to keep that secret safe.”

Virgil blinked up at him, trying to force the words into a configuration that made sense. Humans didn’t just let mysteries exist, especially not ones that were so easy to grab ahold of.

“I won’t lie and say I’m not awfully curious about you,” Patton continued, and his hand was reaching out for the handle of the pitcher and surely, this was the moment that it all came crashing down—, “but you can’t force a friendship. Especially not like this!”

Slowly, in gentle increments, the pitcher was shifted to lay on its side, the open end facing away from Patton. It was practically a straight shot to the closest wall entrance, their freedom waiting where the back of the counter met the kitchen wall.

They’d been prepared to make a break for it at the earliest opportunity before, but now, with escape dangled in front of them, both borrowers hesitated. Virgil exchanged a dumbfounded look with the other borrower, trying to stomp down the insane hope bubbling in the back of his mind.

“If you ever want to talk, you know where to find me!” Patton finished, making sure the glass was stable and settled before releasing it and stepping back. “Otherwise, my lips are sealed— and I’ll make sure Roman and Remus keep the secret, too.”

He made a zipping motion over his mouth, eyes crinkled with amusement at the edges, and then turned and walked out of the kitchen without a single glance back.

Virgil hadn’t uttered a single plea, and yet, the path back to the walls was right there. He looped the other borrower’s arm over his shoulder and led them, step by faltering step, across the counter, even scooping his bag up as he went. Nobody came rushing in, nobody stopped them from taking those last few steps into the safety of the walls.

He’d expected to face a monster, and instead he’d been offered kindness, unasked for and freely given.

They were both quiet as they shuffled further into the familiar cramped space, as though a single sound would shatter the illusion of this impossible release. The other borrower pulled away after a moment, their pain of their concussion likely more manageable in the dark. The silence stretched, relief and exhaustion weighing on them in equal measure.

Virgil yawned despite himself, absently wondering if they were going to continue that semi-murderous argument about cults and who wronged who, and if the other borrower would be willing to reschedule it to sometime after they’d slept.

Ahead of them, a third figure stepped out of the shadows, quickly looking them over as though checking that everyone was still intact. Oddly enough, they sort of smelled like gunpowder.

“Hm. That certainly didn’t go according to plan,” they said bluntly, the oversized pack on their back jingling slightly as they stepped forward. “Still, we all survived, so I suppose introductions are in order.”

[the-kr8tor]

So, okay. Still on the Loser! Hobie train, you know that one scene with Jessica Rabbit and Roger Rabbit? Where Jessica says that they should go home and play and Roger is all happy about the types of games they'll play? That, but with Hobie🤭

He'd just finished his set with the band and was busy signing autographs. Shining brown eyes, so pretty with how excited he was. Lopsided grin and piercings shining under the lights of the underground club. You couldn't help but swoon over how breathtaking your boyfriend truly was when in his element. As he finishes up with the last few fans, you walk up to him. Hobie sees you approaching out of the corner of his eye, and he's all too quick to rush and close the distance between you two.

"Sweetheart, there you are", he exclaims giddily as he wraps his arms around you, pulling your body flush against his in a tight embrace. You can feel the warmth of his skin and the rapid beating of his heart, still buzzing with energy and adrenaline from the rush of performing. Small chuckles leave you as he presses a kiss on your forehead, his breath hitching when you pull back to cup his face in your hands. Hobie melts as you place a tender kiss on his lips, eyes fluttering shut as he turns into a big pile of goo. He always does when it comes to you.

Leaning back enough to look up at him, your hands slide down his shoulders and arms to gently grip his hands in yours. Intertwining your fingers with his, you give him a smile so sweet, Hobie feels like he just got shot in the heart with an arrow.

"You guys did so good up there!"

"Thanks, love. The gang wants to hang out a bit more, but 'm ready to take you home." Hobie hums as gazes down at you like you're his precious muse. Which, you are. A chuckle leaves your lips as you fiddle with the dog tag on his chest, fingers sliding along the sliver chain.

"That so? Why don't we go on home and play a game then?"

"Sure thing, lovie. What games do you fancy? We got chess, checkers, and battleship, I think..." He mumbles softly, pretty brown eyes sparkling with excitement at the thought of spending time with you, his nose crinkling just so with how big his grin is. God, he was too damn cute and handsome without even trying. Biting your lip to stop the smitten look from flitting across your face, you bat teasing lashes up at him. In such a pretty way that he trails off on his words and he's suddenly very aware at the way your fingers trace along the edges of his leather vest.

"Those sound nice... But, I was thinking we could play a little pattycake instead", you whisper softly, almost purring the words and Hobie can feel his knees going weak. Warmth blossoms in his chest and the tips of his ears flush just a bit. Lips trembling as his grin grows wider, eyes darting down to avoid your captivating gaze as he stumbles over his words.

"P-Pattycake is, um, patty- uh...", Hobie stutters, voice cracking just the tiniest bit as he gives a little shy chuckle and brings up a hand to swipe a thumb over his nose. He thinks you're too pretty for him and his weak heart, weak for only you. You think he's too handsome, too damn adorable for his own good. He doesn't even get to finish his jumbled mess of a reply before you take his hand in yours and lead him out of the club, fully intent on bathing him in attention back at home.

Whether or not you actually played pattycake or played another... game... is entirely up to you🤭🫣💕💕

Anyways, thank you for coming to my Ted talk-

I need to watch that movie, I've only heard good things abt it!

Lmaoo the way he was oblivious for a sec 😂 he just wanted to go play checkers 😆

AHHHHH WIDNWKXKWKDKD THIS WAS SO 😳🥴 I bet he looked incredibly hot on stage and R was restraining themselves from lunging at him while he was signing autographs 🤣

For a second there I thought R would suggest twister 🤭🤭 maybe they did play twister... 😶‍🌫️

[starsurfacemortalkombat]

Hi, hello, how are you? I hope you’re good. :3.

I love your writing and I was hoping you could do a CG Kung Lao, Rain and Kenshi (separate) with a regressor reader? Just some head cannons or something like that Tehehe have a good day sending virtual snackies 🍦🍪🍩🍭🍫🍬

Hi!!! I'm doing good!! How about you? I hope your doing well!! <3

And thank you for the snacks!! I'm on a weight loss program (not diet), and I miss being able to freely have those things.

Sending some to you as well!! 🍓🎂🍬🍿🍨

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

CG Kung Lao w/ Regressor Hcs

🍖 Very exciting CG!!!

🍖 He makes sure to spoil you with affection, whether that’s blowing raspberries on your cheek, or reminding you about how cute/handsome you are!!

🍖 Very good CG with playtime!!! Very fluent too!

🍖 Bigger kids that like running around, playing hopscotch, wrestling? Sign him up!! That sounds like a blast!!

🍖 Little/calming activities, such as building blocks, blowing bubbles, or pattycake? That sounds fun! Do you wanna sit outside on a blankie and play too?

🍖 Very big on getting some outside time, and will take you to his (Raiden’s) small personal garden so you don’t feel too uncomfy being small in public (unless you really don’t want to, he won’t force you)

🍖 He gets very sad if your sad or regress negatively

🍖 His main goal is to cheer you up, even if he has to act like a funky monkey and do a money dance to get you to giggle :(

🍖 Then he’ll cuddle you, put on your favorite cartoon, and get you a whole bucket of your favorite ice cream

🍖 His main mission is to make sure your happy and giggling

🍖 Kung Lao’s strong, and he wants you to know it

🍖 How? Easy! He’ll just carry you everywhere!! :D

🍖 After all, why would you need to walk when your Big Strong Lao is right here? 💪

🍖 This works great if your more of a dependant or clingy regressor!! But if your more of an independant regressor, just tell him and he’ll die down

🍖 I’m not going to make Kung Lao’s entire personality (My Baby’s much more than that) but he’ll make you a food/chore chart!!! Especially if you have difficulties doing these things, both big and little

🍖 ^ And you get a reward at the end of the week!!! :D (and don’t worry about a couple of slip ups effecting your reward, accidents happen sometimes)

🍖 No touching his hat, it’s a big no no

🍖 Well . . . maybe you can touch it

🍖 But he has to put a protecting rubbering on the blades!!! You could get really hurt, and just cause you wanna look cool just like Lao, doesn’t mean you should put your safety will be put on the line

🍖 You can’t throw it either, it’s also a big no no :(

🍖 He’s very good with regressors that use padding!!

🍖 In past games, it’s hinted that the Kung Family is decently big (hyposithis, but still), plus he also has Kung Jin as a nephew/cousin depending on the timeline, so he probably has some brothers/sisters of some sort

🍖 He’ll blow raspberries on your tummy, or jingle keys above you, trying to make sure your not too embarrassed <3

🍖 Kung Lao’s a big competitive, but he’ll always make sure to let you win

🍖 It might hurt his ego a bit (lot), but you look so happy when you run the race!! Or when your car was faster!! 🥺

🍖 He loves arguing with you, especially if you babble, thinks sassy babies are adorable

🍖 Also . . . he’s arguing with a toddler, and he finds the loosing battle highly entertaining

🍖 Favorite CG nicknames are Lao, Lao-Lao, and Papa

🍖 Calls you many nicknames!! Pumpkin, Sweetie, Little One, Aweseome

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

CG Rain w/ Regressor Hcs

💧 Very calm CG

💧 His favorite activity is cuddling with you after a long day

💧 He also likes preforming magic shows though!!

💧 Normally Rain huffs about using his powers for ‘silly’ things

💧 But if his baby wants a water show? . . . How could he say no? They just wanna see how cool their Dada is, obviously!!

💧 He’ll make some water form into little shapes, like stars or fishies swimming by

💧 He becomes very proudful and happy when you giggle and awe, telling him about how awesome he (his magic) is!! 🥺

💧 Your not allowed to touch his staff though, that’s his staff :(

💧 He’s also a bit worried you’ll break it by accident, especially if your tiny tiny or a little ruckus

💧 He’s actually really good with hyper littles!!

💧 He keeps you somewhat in line, chasing after you if your running around, or atleast keeping you close by

💧 He won’t help in your pranks though >:(

💧 In fact, he won’t even save you from the scolding you might get from the person you pranked!! >:O

💧 You wanted to prank them, you’ve gotta have your own consequences :(

💧 ^ . . . He’ll give you candy or something after because he feels bad if you got in trouble . ..  And he’ll probably end up saving you from a big lecture

💧 Your his baby, only he can lecture you >:(

💧 He’s also really good with younger or calmer littles!!!

💧 Hopscotch, tag, and those games can be very fun!!

💧 But he’s also content with cuddling or having you on his lap

💧 He’ll even take you out to the royal gardens and help you watch the little froggies!!!

💧 Outside time is important to him, but he’s also very content staying inside too

💧 He has a really nice bookshelf!! . . . That your not allowed to touch >:\

💧 He likes it organized, and they’re mostly boring magic books

💧 ^ But he’ll get some children books for your!! Whether it’s those baby books, or some simple chapter books (that he’ll read to you, or in his freetime so he can talk to you about it)

💧 Favorite CG nicknames are Dada, Bubba, and Rainy

💧 Guys, I wanna call him Fishy 🥺

💧 I think it’d be a really good nickname for him and all he’d give you as a reaction would be 😑, which totally means he likes it cause he’s not lecturing you!! :D

💧 . . . And your giggles/smiles after calling him that make up for you being mean to him

💧 Favortie nicknames for you are Button, Lovebug, Sweetheart, Little One

💧 ^ Rascal if your more energetic (lovingly of course)

💧 If your okay with it, I can see him playfully calling you a brat (also lovingly, and when you’ve done something naughty but not super naughty)

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

CG Kenshi w/ Regressor Hcs pt 2

❤️ Protective Dada, you’re always within his reach

❤️ And even when your not, he’ll keep a close eye on you

❤️ Again, super good with a lot of ages!

❤️ Middles that want to sit down and watch TV or talk about their favorite band, he’s up for a nice chat (and is really good at treating you your age!!!)

❤️ Bigger kids that want to run around and play chase? He’s gonna make you a leash kid 😮‍💨 (lovingly of course)

❤️ Toddler that wants to make bracelets? He’ll wear them with pride!! And he’s good at tieing the knots at the end!!

❤️ Baby that just wants to cuddle up to him? How about you sit on Dada’s lap while he helps you color your picture?

❤️ Any kind of pet regressor? Well, he can play ug-a-war, or have you lazy on him or his coat!!

❤️ Guys, I dunno about you, but his voice makes me feel really tiny 🥺

❤️ ^ He’d use that to his advantage, softly talking to you on a particularly bad day so you’ll feel smaller faster

❤️ He’s also got a really good ‘Knock that off’ stern voice :(  (Similar to Nightwolf, they can both be really scary when they wanna)

❤️ Not that he purposely scares you!!! He only uses the voice when he really has to, he enverw ants his baby to be scared of him

❤️ If you use padding, and he’s using Sento, he’s very good at it!!!

❤️ He’s trying to learn how to change you without Sento (he’s not the best, but he’s getting good at it!!)

❤️ When he got blinded, he struggled with some activities and watching over you in general, but he also made sure to reassure you that he wanted to watch after you and you shouldn’t feel ashamed being small

❤️ It’s just a process of reworking and figuring some things out

❤️ Yes, he can see with Sento, and he mainly does, but he’s also working on not being hinder on it

❤️ His tattoos are pretty filled in from what it looks like, but if you wanna take a makeup brush and make him your personal canvas, he’ll let you (he finds it cute)

❤️ Kenshi knows how to cook, and he’d make your favorite little meals!! Whether they’re extragevent, or just some dino nuggies he can pop into the stove

❤️ No, you cannot help him, you might get burned and he doesn’t want you injured

❤️ He will let you sit on the stove nearby though!! Maybe you can pass him some seasonings (if you can read them correctly)

❤️ His chuckle when you hand him the wrong one, redirecting you to the right one as he calls you Silly 🥺

❤️ He won’t let you have unlimited candy because he’s mean >:(

❤️ And he doesn’t want your blood sugars to go too high or low, nor does he want to give you a tummy ache

❤️ Other nicknames he likes calling you are Little Lamb, Sweetheart, Tiny, Angel, Bunny

❤️ ^ I’m really set on him calling you Precious 🥺 (it’s his favorite nickname for you)

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Ugh, I love all these characters so much. 🥺

[canmargesimpson]

Chapter 1:

This idea has been in my head over 2 years now so please be nice

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☪ . :☆ﾟ. ───

The date was February 1, 1996. Steve and Eddie were both in the supermarket buying food and supplies to survive the horrible winter they were exposed to. Since moving to Chicago, they have learned that when it came to winter, it was no joke. At least they weren’t in their crappy apartment they used to be before. When they got married last summer, they decided to move into a better house, and so they bought a small Chicago styled house, in a little neighborhood where the neighbors weren’t nosey or even cared that two men were sharing the same bed every night, or even that their neighbor was a considered a “Metal Icon”. Inside their house, it was their own world, where Eddie could dance to corny pop songs, Steve could read with his glasses and they could watch weird science fiction movies with their cat, Gimli, on their lap purring. 

Now, they both found themselves on the breakfast aisle where Steve was carefully choosing a coffee since the last one they bought was horrible. But as he did that, Eddie stared at a father and his daughter. He knows it's weird for him to stare at people, especially at a father playing pattycake with her daughter as they waited for the mother to arrive, but something about them just caught his eye. Eventually, a woman walked up, with some bread on her arm, laughing at her daughter and husband. The man stood up and leaned in to give her wife a sweet peck on the lips before picking up their daughter, placing her on his hip, and walking away. To the next aisle, the giggles of the daughter echoing in the small supermarket they were in.

Seeing this small interaction just made Eddie's body warm up. This sort of thing is starting to happen more and more constantly. Whenever he looked through the living room window, and saw a small kid with their parents having fun, or even just walking by, he would grew fuzzy and 

embarrassed for some weird reason. It starts with a single tingle on his stomach, then a warmth that covers him from head to toe making his ear turn bright red. Was this… Baby fever? He had never really felt like this, he always thought of kids as a pest or a broken alarm clock that wouldn't turn off. If you were to ask Eddie 10 years ago if he wanted kids, he would have laughed, hard. But now, he feels like it was… due. Like it was the final step of their journey together.  He knew that Steve would totally be up to it, the man is already a father of a bunch of kids in his class, and he literally spent his youth taking care of Dustin and the party, so he knew that he would be totally up to it. But what worried him was his own self. Is he ready to be a father? Did he REALLY want to be a father?

“Eddie!” Steve snapped in front of his eyes, Eddie quickly blinking himself out of his own head “what’s wrong?”

Eddie looked back at where the family once was and then back at his illegitimate husband and smiled, shook his head and mumbled a “nothing”. They both walked around the supermarket till they got everything they wanted. They paid, and went home in their car, singing along to the songs on the radios like always. Once home, Gimli made it very clear he was hungry, so as Eddie put the groceries away, Steve fed the wild cat.

“Oh poor baby” Steve talked to the cat, in which he responded with a wails in response “yes, you are a poor baby, must be so hungry. How could we forget to feed you earlier?”

Eddie closed the cabinet and then looked at Steve and the warmth from before crawled back up his spine. God, there must be something really wrong with him. He finished quickly, shelving everything into a single cabinet and went straight to bed, opened his book and started reading. Eventually Steve joined him, plopping down next to his husband and stared up to Eddie as he read.

“What’s on your mind sweetheart?” Eddie asked as he read the next line. Throughout the years together, Eddie had practiced his listening while reading skill, and now he pretty much considered himself an expert. So now, from the corner of his eye, he could see Steve in his head thinking and with his other eye, he could read.

“I just… i want another cat” steve blurbs out

Eddie frowns confused as he places his Lord of the Rings inspired bookmark on the page, closes the book and leaves it on the nightstand. Yes, maybe he could read and listen at the same time, but sometimes, he just needs to focus on one thing, and apparently this was one of those times “Another cat?”

“Yeah,” Steve sighed, as he  curled himself into Eddie and started playing with his old t-shirt from a metal band that he didn’t know. “I think Gimli deserves a brother… or sister”

Eddie placed his hand on Steve’s recently cut hair. It was shorter than usual, so he couldn’t really run his hands through it, but it was still long enough to pull when needed. So Eddie carefully pulled Steve’s hair, making him look up at him, their gaze meeting and locking. He could feel that Steve wasn’t telling him something, because if he really wanted another cat, he would have just gotten one, Eddie has told him a million times he doesn’t have to warn him. Eddie could arrive at his house with 10 new cat’s and he wouldn’t bother at all. So now having Steve curling up to him, asking him for a cat, when he already knew he could get one, told eddie there was something underneath his words

“Really?” Eddie blinked slowly, like a cat, staring straight into his soul. The younger boy looked away quickly and just sighed “what’s going on, honey?”

Steve looked back up, and took a deep breath. He moved up, so they could both be staring eye to eye, no one looking down or up at the other. He grabbed the hands of Eddie and just looked down at their hands together. Though they were very different, they fit perfectly together. While Eddie's fingers were thin, boney and long, Steve’s finger’s were chunky and strong. While Eddie's hands were covered in meaningful tattoos and rings, Steve's hands were completely bare from the wedding ring they both shared. Steve thinned his lips and just looked at eddie.

“I know we have already had this conversation, 2 years ago and you said no, but something in me hopes you have changed your mind in some way so…” Steve frowns and spills out his words “what do you think about having kids?”

Eddie inhaled clearly, quite surprised that he had just read his mind. Eddie obviously didn’t have the time to even think about it, i mean, he thought about it in the grocery store for some solid 5 minutes, but that was it. There was no reflection or process of the thought of having a child in the house, but that didn’t matter, because it was too late for Eddie to even think about it.

“Yes,” he said plainly. 

Steve’s eyes went wide, his mouth parted slightly and he blacked three times just to make sure he was dreaming or not, to see if Eddie was just messing with him or being completely serious. He was quite surprised with the answer, since every time they ever got close to a human younger than 13, Eddie would quickly wrinkle his nose and just scratch his hair completely confused as if it were a math test. But now, his answer was so direct and simple, Steve could have never seen it coming.

“You said…yes?” Steve bit his tongue hiding his smile “yes? You wanna have kids?”

“I-i-i guess? I mean” Eddie sat up and looked away to stare into his lap and his hand fidgeting “I just… im so scared but like, fuck it?” he shrugged “i mean, today at the supermarket, that family kinda looked… happy. And now that I think of it, they must have been scared too, you know?” he looks down at his illegitimate husband who just stared in awe with a thin but visible layer of tears in his eyes ``and hell, you might be scared too!” Eddie laughed as Steve nodded “so let's just do it. Let’s go to an orphanage or a foster home or or or even find a surrogate! Let’s do our research and prepare, and if you end up with the six nuggets you once wanted back in Hawkins then lets have them! Fuck yeah!”

And that’s how it all started.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☪ . :☆ﾟ. ───

Chapter 2

[fallingblueroses]

For @acaplaya-musings .

Clara's just a doll...right?

***

Mykal had been inside PattyCake Productions before, of course. But this time, something just seemed...off. He couldn't exactly put a finger on it, but the hairs on his arms and the back of his neck had been standing up ever since he'd arrived that morning.

He passed the door to the stage area and paused when he heard Geoff's voice. "Now you're going to be a good girl today and not try to scare Mykal. You hear me? No tricks today."

He peeked around the door and his mouth dropped. Geoff was holding a grayish, creepy-looking baby doll in front of him and wagging his finger in its face. "Mykal's a good friend. So behave yourself today."

Mykal swallowed. "Uh...Geoff?"

Geoff looked over and flashed a grin at him. "Oh hey Mykal."

Mykal slowly walked up to him. "Are you feeling okay there, buddy?"

"Oh sure. Just letting Clara here know that she needs to be good today." Geoff held up the doll, and Mykal jumped when he saw its eyes flash red for a fraction of a second. Must have been a trick of the lights...

"Hey Geoff!" Layne called from behind the curtains.

Geoff called back. "Yeah Layne?"

"Tell Clara to stop holding the storage closet door shut!"

Geoff sighed. "Clara, you heard Layne."

A few seconds passed and Layne called out again. "Thanks!"

"No problem!" Geoff kissed the doll's head. "That's a good girl. Now let's go get ready." He walked toward the dressing rooms.

Mykal followed, feeling a little more at ease. I get it. They're playing a prank on me. Well I can go along with it.

***

Cesar was sitting in a chair by one of the dressing mirrors when they came in, and his face lit up when he caught sight of them. "Hey, Geoff! Hi Mykal!" He held his hands out. "Hey there, Clara. Come to Uncle Cesar!"

Geoff handed the doll to Cesar. Cesar cradled the doll in his arms and spoke in a high-pitched voice. "How's my little cutie pie today?"

"Mischevious," Tony said as he walked by. "Had to clean the office wall again."

"What'd she say this time?" Cesar asked.

"The usual. 'Get out. Beware.'" Tony shrugged. "I wish she'd come up with something else."

"She's a baby," Geoff said. "What do you want, the Gettysburg Address?"

Cesar spoke in a cartoonishly important voice. "Fourscore and seven years ago..."

Geoff and Tony laughed, but Mykal found it hard to join in. He glanced down at the doll and yelled out when he saw bloody tear streaks on its face.

"What?!" Geoff cried out.

Mykal pointed at the doll. "The eyes!"

Cesar checked, then cooed at the doll. "Aww, did we hurt your feelings?" He held the doll to his chest and rocked it. "There, there. Don't cry. You know we're teasing."

Mykal stared, and began to slowly back away. Either he'd gone insane, or they had, and either way he was getting out of here...

The studio went dark, and then Mykal heard a high-pitched voice that sent shivers down his spine. "No, don't go...Play with me..."

"Clara! I told you to behave!" Geoff snapped. The lights came back on. "There. Now no more tricks!" He looked at Mykal. "She's acting up because we have company. Ignore her."

"Uh, s-sure." Mykal swallowed. If this is a prank, it's a really good one...

Eli came in, holding two large flat boxes. "Donuts are here!" He set the boxes down on the dressing table.

"Oh great! Thanks!" Cesar stood up, still holding the doll, and he, Tony, Geoff, and Eli began to help themselves to the donuts. Mykal was about to grab one when he saw a bloody line start to form on the mirror. His eyes bulged as it formed a circle, then eyes, eyebrows, and a mouth were drawn to make a smiley face. The blood began to drip down the mirror as he stared.

"Hey Mykal?" He looked over to see Geoff holding up a donut as if nothing was happening. "Better get a maple bacon before we eat them all."

Mykal stared at his friends, at the doll, then at the mirror. He managed to make a strangled, high-pitched "ah" sound before he blacked out.

***

Geoff sighed as he took Clara from Cesar. "That's it, young lady! You're going straight into time-out and you're going to apologize to poor Mykal when he wakes up!" He carried Clara out of the dressing room as Eli and Cesar knelt down and tried to wake Mykal up.

Tony sighed and began to clean the mirror. "We're calling that exorcist. I don't care what Geoff says about Clara having feelings. This isn't good for business."

[darlingpassion]

Okay I need to go to sleep because i close at work tomorrow and I already stayed up too late cuz I had a need the clean the whole house, but I had to ask this!!

I need to know- how would Terry respond if any one of the Toon Patrol tried to Come Onto Him? XD 😏 Would he say yes to any of them? Would he get the hell outta there? I must know XD

Right, now that I've thrown a spanner into the works, goodnight! XD 💤💤💤

Ohhhhh my god I did not expect this kinda ask today. I love it XD

My poor Terry. First Rena, now these assholes. Will he ever catch a break? (Probably not)

Alright! Let's go through weasel by weasel.

Smartass

Short answer: "I thought he was a kid??"

Long answer: No, Terry doesn't think he's a literal kid XD but he did think Smartass looked pretty young to be in a bar setting (it's the height and the hat shielding the face. Shhh don't tell Smarty-). The angry weasel ain't his type, so Terry would brush him off after getting over the realization that this man is in his mid 30's.

Also, this is absolutely Terry reacting to Smartass in the bar if he was mean like Shiny XD

Greasy

Short answer: "... Shiny, come get your man before he makes'a fool 'a himself!"

Long answer: Hmmm... It's iffy with Terry. Like, he can see why Shiny thinks he's handsome physically, he can appreciate what Greasy offers in looks. But unfortunately, the green bastard ain't got game XD and Terry can see that, and is not up for Greasy's loony pervert shenanigans 😅 so yeah, Shiny can keep him. Greasy'll be house trained under her better than with him 😅

Wheezy

Short answer: *side eyes Wheezy* "..." *grins in 'I'm game if you are'*

Long answer: Wheezy is where it's at with Terry. For starters, he and the weasel are part of the same old, kinda gross group. Wheezy is far worse than Terry with smoking, but they're both still tired old men who are buddies. And it also helps that they both speak practically the same lamguage; no words needed, only vibes. They're both slow, a little lazy, and Terry knows that Wheezy won't expect their fucking around to go anywhere past a friend's with benefits sort of thing... Also it doesn't hurt that Wheezy is pretty good looking whether or not he showered that day-

Psycho

Short answer: "Wheezy for fucks sake, get your fuckin' dog outta here!"

Long answer: I can't imagine Psycho flirting with Terry, but for comedy's and arguments sake, let's say he wants that old man rat XD and Psycho when he flirts... Doesn't look like flirting 😅 Terry can tell what his intentions are, he's been around long enough to recognize how someone is trying to flirt even if they don't have the best game But he absolutely is not going to bring that rabid animal in bed. He prefers his crotch unscarred, thank you very much XD that rabbit girl can take this one. She seems to have a knack for the crazy men.

Stupid

Short answer: "... Shit, ok. I can see it-"

Long answer: Look, it's a giant, fat, goofy and cuddly weasel!!! Who can resist that???? Granted, Stu's company isn't as relaxing as Wheezy's is (Terry's gotta verbally engage with the dummy. Answer so many questions. Terry is paitent, but not a talker XD), but if Stupid showed interest, Terry would definitely consider it. And if Stu is shaking up those fruity drinks you said he makes, well shit how can any sensible man resist that?

Tldr; Terry would be down to fuck Wheezy and Stupid, maybe Greasy... Smartass ain't his type, and Psycho is too much for him XDD

Thanks for sending this ask in! Ohhh I gotta send you a similar ask now, hang on-

[acaplaya-musings]

Geoff & Sanders Sides crossover fic thing

So basically this idea wouldn't leave my head until I got it written down, and also I partially blame FallingBlueRoses for this (affectionate).

Alright first of all, if you somehow found this through the Sanders Sides tag and you don't know who Geoff Castellucci is, go look him up on YouTube! Much more than just a pretty face ;). But you don't really have to know too much about Geoff to understand this fic - think of it as an Outsider POV fic, with a bit of a twist at the end. But also note that I haven't actually watched any Thomas Sanders videos since 2021 (it's just that Sanders Sides somehow continues to remain in my head rent-free and I can still hear all their voices clear as day), so their visual appearances are based off of what they all looked like back then (in case there have been any changes since - I really don't know).

To my followers and other Geoff fans who don't know Sanders Sides: this little fic basically explains all the relevant bits (except this is an AU where they're "real" of course) - you can learn along with Geoff!

This fic became a bit longer than planned but I still wanted to post this here rather than AO3.

.

Geoff yawned as he walked through the doors of Pattycake Studios. He was never really a fan of early wakeups, especially when it wasn’t even for a proper filming day, but he knew his latest video plan could benefit from some light rehearsal and blocking first, and for situations like this, it was easier to get things done when the studio was quieter. But he certainly wouldn’t say no to a bit of an energy boost first. Thank someone for the coffee machine…

Geoff made a beeline for Pattycake’s coffee-maker, while glancing down at the video notes he had typed out on his phone. It took him a couple moments to register the five men in his peripheral vision, sitting on the blue leather sofa in the breakroom. Must be filming a video here today, or doing prep work at least. Geoff knew Layne and Tony were often willing to hire out parts of the studio to anyone who needed such a space for filming, but he didn’t usually bother to keep up to date with such things, other than checking that certain sets would be available to use when desired. It wasn’t completely uncommon for Geoff to cross paths with different artists and performers in the studio, though, and often he would greet them with a smile and a nod, but currently, most of his brain was focused on obtaining coffee, and the remaining parts were thinking about his video plan. And so Geoff didn’t initially think much about the quiet whistle from the side of the room, until he happened to overhear what one of the men was saying.

“Hey! Hey Thomas! Look!” said one of the people on the couch.

There was a sigh, and then another voice – Thomas, presumably – spoke up. “What is it, Roman?” The voice had a similar timbre, brothers, perhaps.

The first one, “Roman”, spoke again, now sounding indignant. “Oh I’m sorry, have you somehow not noticed the definition of handsome that just walked into the room? I mean come on! The hair! The arms! The hair! Quite frankly I’m not sure what I feel more, love or envy!”

“Hey Thomas, why don’t you have arms like that? Ever thought about that?” asked a third voice, a little lower and with slightly more roughness to it than the first.

“Well I’m thinking about it now, obviously,” replied Thomas, sounding irked.

“Sorry, couldn’t help myself.”

Obviously the other men were talking about Geoff – there was nobody else in the room after all – but even now he still couldn’t fully understand how so many different people seemed to think of him as attractive. Furthermore, the first guy, (‘Roman’, was it?) who had spoken up had made no attempt to be quiet or subtle when talking, as if he thought Geoff wouldn’t be able to hear him, or he simply didn’t care. It’s too early in the morning for this…

Having reached the coffee-maker, Geoff finished reading through his notes, and then turned on the machine, while the conversation off to the side of the breakroom continued.

“Okay but just hear me out, Thomas,” said Roman. Geoff snuck a quick glance across the room, and identified Roman as the one wearing a Prince Charming-esque costume straight out of a Disney movie. Or a Pattycake Productions video, even. His white long-sleeve shirt was adorned with gold accents across the front, shoulders, and cuffs, and topped off with a red sash that ran from the top of the right shoulder down to the left hip. Roman continued. “All I’m saying is, that guy looks like he knows what he’s doing, like he’s been here multiple times before! He might even work here regularly!”

“Your point being?” asked Thomas, who sounded like he wasn’t entirely following.

“I’m saying that there could be multiple opportunities here for the taking! First you go up and say hi, make small talk, you could say you need help with your video, and you’re gonna have to come back here at least a couple more times before it’s done, so you exchange contact details, for purely Business Reasons of course, but then maybe-”

“I’m going to stop you right there,” cut in a different voice. It was stern, clear, and direct, almost like a schoolteacher. “During your flights of fancy and prolonged aesthetic appreciation of this man, did you take even a single moment to observe his hands?”

“His hands? Why would I- Oh, right. He’s got rings on.”

“Precisely – he’s married. And besides, who’s to say that he’s romantically attracted to other men anyway?”

Thomas sighed. “Yeah, you’re right, Logan, I know,” he said flatly.

Well, at least that got sorted out by itself. Geoff just had to wait a few more moments for his coffee to be ready, and then he could go get to work.

A fifth distinct voice spoke up, lighter and bubblier than the voices of the others. “Hey now, no need to let it get you down! After all, there’s no saying you can’t talk to him at all! You could go say hi, get to know him a little!”

“Nope, no way, nuh uh,” said the lower-voiced guy quickly and firmly. Geoff matched the voice to the one wearing a black hoodie covered in purple plaid patches. “Well, not right now at least,” he continued after a beat of silence. “Look, he’s here as early as we are, and he’s clearly busy with his own stuff, and probably the last thing he wants is to be distracted or held up by some random guy wanting a conversation.”

Geoff couldn’t help but feel a pang of sympathy for Thomas and the one in the hoodie. He recalled moments in his younger years, when he had had similar dialogues play out in his head, in regards to people he admired, or simply wanted to get to know better. And sure, he didn’t always have the biggest ‘social battery’, but that didn’t mean he wanted to be viewed as aloof and unapproachable. At least the coffee is finally ready.

He took a long drink of coffee, and relaxed his shoulders as he felt the hot, caffeinated beverage already begin to work its magic. Perhaps the video work could wait a little longer – after all, it was just basic courtesy to acknowledge these newcomers, wasn’t it?

Geoff took a step away from the coffee machine and towards the group of five, giving them a friendly smile. “It’s okay, I don’t bite,” he said. “Well, once I’ve had my morning coffee, anyway!”

Geoff wasn’t prepared for the shocked and surprised expressions on each of the men, as five pairs of eyes rapidly fixed upon him.

“Wait, you can hear us? And see us, too?” said Roman, gesturing to everyone else except the guy in the middle, who was currently shooting a half-panicked half-frustrated look in Roman’s direction.

Geoff raised an eyebrow. “Uh, yes? Am I not supposed to?” he replied, deeply confused.

The guy in the middle of the sofa chuckled nervously. “Oh just ignore him,” he said with a forced smile. This must be Thomas, based on the voice. “It’s like a… comedy bit, yeah, y’know, just a silly joke!”

“…Riiiiight,” said Geoff, having another drink of his coffee while side-eyeing the group. There was definitely something going on here – he just couldn’t fully put his finger on it yet.

The individual wearing a blue striped tie leaned his head over to Thomas. “I don’t think he fully believes us,” he said flatly.

“Yes, thank you Logan!” Thomas snapped, but there was more worry in his tone and demeanour than annoyance. He took a deep breath in, and looked back at Geoff. “I’m so sorry, we really didn’t mean to disturb you,” he said. “I’m sure you’ve got work to do, so we’ll leave you be and you can forget that any of this ever happened!”

Geoff took a final sip of coffee before setting the mug down. Perhaps video planning can wait a little longer. He folded his arms and took on a relaxed position, a smirk tugging at the corners of his lips. “Well, you don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to, but there’s obviously a story here, and I must admit that now you’ve got me kinda curious!” he said. “And I’m in no real hurry to get started on my own stuff.”

Thomas glanced uncertainly at the men sitting either side of him. The one in the light blue polo shirt smiled encouragingly at him, but the other three looked uncertain. Thomas sighed. “Okay, but you have to promise not to tell anyone else-”

“-Not that anyone else will probably believe you,” said the one in the hoodie.

“…and promise not to freak out.”  

Geoff gave a light-hearted scoff. “Please, I’ve been involved in a lot of crazy stuff over the years,” he said, thinking especially about some of the things Layne would come up with for video shoots. Geoff smiled, but paused when he saw Thomas’ expression. “I promise. Oh, and I’m Geoff, by the way.” He took another step towards the couch and held out his hand. Thomas stood up and shook it.

“I’m Thomas,” said Thomas, “and these-” he moved to stand next to Geoff. “-are, well, it might be better if I show you something first.” He then spoke to the other men still on the couch. “Okay guys, go back in please! I’ll call you all back shortly, probably.”

Geoff was about to ask Thomas what he meant by “show you something”, but then his gaze focused on the couch, and his eyes widened. Before his very eyes, the four other men had quite literally faded from view, going from solid, to translucent, to completely gone in just a few seconds, so that now it appeared that Geoff and Thomas were the only people in the room.

Thomas turned to Geoff. “Look, I know this is still probably gonna sound really crazy, but those were-, are literal representatives of different aspects of my personality – my “Sides”, I call them – and actually there’s a couple other Sides as well but those four are sorta the ‘main ones’, and I’m probably not doing great at explaining this because they’re usually only seen by others when they want to be seen by others! And we weren’t planning on you being able to see or hear them – not that I’m saying it's your ‘fault’ or anything, but…” Thomas trailed off helplessly.

A small bell of familiarity was ringing in the back of Geoff’s mind, but the rest of his brain was trying to process the whole ‘different aspects of one personality’ thing. “…Like Inside Out?” he asked, remembering the sequel he had watched at the cinema not too long ago.

Thomas brightened a little. “Yeah! Sorta!” he replied. “But a bit more complex than that, I guess you could say. I could introduce them properly if you’d like?”

“Please, go right ahead!”

“Alright, first of all, meet Roman.” Thomas lifted up his hand in the direction of the couch, and Roman faded back into view. “He represents my creativity, my imagination, and, well, he’s also my romantic side.”

Roman looked away, a reddish hue on his cheeks. “I’m sorry again about all that,” he said to Geoff, not meeting his eyes. “I honestly wouldn’t have acted that way if I knew you could hear me!”

Geoff smiled reassuringly at him. “It’s all good, no harm done,” he replied.

“Next up: Logan!” said Thomas, again lifting his hand. Logan, who wore thick, black square glasses, a black polo shirt, and a dark blue striped tie, faded back onto the couch just as Roman had, and nodded at Thomas in greeting. “Logan is my logical side,” Thomas explained, “he represents my knowledge, my rational thinking, my reasoning, that sort of thing.”

“Yes, and may I highlight the fact that I was the one who stopped Roman from taking things too far just before?” said Logan with more than a hint of smugness.

“Yes, well done,” Geoff replied. Roman folded his arms and made an indignant humph sound. “…but I can’t exactly stop people from fantasising, and it’s not Roman’s fault that I heard what was obviously meant to be a private conversation!” Roman brightened at that, and turned to Logan and poked his tongue out at him. Geoff laughed. Oh yes, I know this dynamic well.

Thomas then introduced another Side. “Now it’s Patton’s turn!” Patton wore glasses similar to Logan’s, though a little more rounded. His polo shirt was like Logan’s as well, but sky blue instead of black, and he had some sort of grey hoodie tied over his shoulders. “Patton represents my emotions, as well as my moral compass and inner child.” Patton beamed and waved happily at Geoff. Geoff waved back, and noticed the symbol on Patton’s polo shirt, which wasn’t a brand logo like Geoff had initially assumed. It was a small picture of a smiling heart with glasses on it. Geoff looked at Logan’s polo and was unsurprised to see a picture of similar form, but this one a brain wearing glasses.

“Let me guess,” said Geoff to Thomas, “Logan represents the brain, and Patton represents the heart?”

Logan smiled approvingly. “Very astute!” he said. Patton nodded eagerly and clapped his hands in delight.

“Well finally,” said Thomas, “meet Virgil!” Geoff was a little surprised when Virgil, instead of fading in gradually like the other three, instead simply popped into view in the blink of an eye. His hair was tinted with purple, his face was paler than the others, and he wore heavy black eyeshadow underneath his eyes. “Virgil represents my anxiety, but he’s also my self-preservation and my fight-or-flight response!” Virgil gave Geoff a nod and a two-fingered salute in greeting.

Geoff turned to Thomas. “So you said none of them can usually be seen out in the open except when they want to be? Is that right?” he asked.

Thomas shrugged. “Don’t ask me how it works, but basically, yeah,” he said. “I’m a YouTuber, and sometimes these guys get involved in some of my videos, and that’s when we can pass it off as it all being ‘me’ the whole time, y’know?”

The bell that had been ringing in Geoff’s brain grew louder. “Actually, I think I do know,” he replied, “and I think I might have an idea why I could see and hear your Sides? It might be totally unrelated, but…”

Thomas looked at him curiously. “Oh?

Geoff rubbed the back of his neck. “I guess you could kind of say I have something similar,” he said. “Not exactly a ‘different aspects of personality’ situation, but, well, I suppose I might as well show you?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This Geoff guy has Sides too? Okay, well, maybe not Sides exactly, but still, of all the explanations for Geoff being able to see and hear the Sides when he wasn’t supposed to, Thomas hadn’t considered this one.

Geoff took a couple steps away from Thomas and looked to the side, saying something too quiet to hear. Then Thomas and the Sides watched in shock and amazement as Geoff seemingly split into five people, with all of the "copies" of Geoff stepping out of the original Geoff, one-by-one. Thomas wasn’t quite sure whether this made things make sense, or whether he was just now more confused, but either way, it seemed like he and Geoff did have something to talk about after all.

.

((I totally could have written more than this, and definitely have at least a couple ideas for interactions between Geoff's Clones and Thomas' Sides, but again, this turned out to be longer than expected, so I'm ending it here. No guarantees for a part 2! Idk! We'll see!))

((UPDATE: Yeah I'm making a part 2, and I actually made just one or two small alterations to this end section to be more "lore-consistent" with the fics that FallingBlueRoses has made. Part 2 will be linked here when complete, whenever that may be!))

[jules-has-notes]

Aca Top 10: Hits of 2019 — VoicePlay music video

It had been a while since their last "Aca Top 10" countdown, and even longer since their previous celebration of recent hit songs, so VoicePlay decided to close out 2019 with a medley featuring the year's biggest bangers.

Details:

title: Aca Top 10 – Hits of 2019

original songs / performers: "Good As Hell" by Lizzo ; [0:29] "I Don't Care" by Ed Sheeran & Justin Bieber; [0:48] "Me!" by Taylor Swift, feat. Brendon Urie; [1:08] "7 Rings" by Ariana Grande; [1:34] "Memories" by Maroon 5; [1:54] "Someone You Loved" by Lewis Capaldi; [2:16] "Sucker" by the Jonas Brothers; [2:30] "Bad Guy" by Billie Eilish; [2:44] "Señorita" by Shawn Mendes & Camila Caballo; [3:17] "Circles" by Post Malone; [3:47] "Old Town Road" by Lil Nas X & Billy Ray Cyrus

written by: "Good As Hell" by Melissa "Lizzo" Jefferson & Ricky Reed; "I Don't Care" by Ed Sheeran, Justin Bieber, Max Martin, Karl "Shellback" Schuster, Fred Gibson, & Jason Boyd; "Me!" by Taylor Swift, Joel Little, & Brendon Urie; "7 Rings" by Ariana Grande, Victoria Monét, Tayla Parx, Tommy Brown, Charles Anderson, Michael Foster, Njomza Vitia, & Kimberly Krysiuk; "Memories" by Adam Levine, Jonathan Bellion, Jacob Kasher Hindlin, Michael Pollack, Jordan K. Johnson, Stefan Johnson, & Vincent Ford; "Someone You Loved" by Lewis Capaldi, Samuel Romans, Thomas Barnes, Peter Kelleher, & Benjamin Kohn; "Sucker" by Ryan Tedder, Louis Bell, Mustafa Ahmed, Adam Feeney, Homer Steinweiss, & the Jonas Brothers; "Bad Guy" by Billie Eilish & Finneas O'Connell; "Señorita" by Shawn Mendes, Camila Cabello, & Alexandra Tamposi; "Circles" by Austin Post, Louis Bell, Adam Feeney, Kaan Gunesberk, & Billy Walsh; "Old Town Road" by Montero "Lil Nas X" Hill, Trent Reznor, Atticus Ross, & Kiowa Roukema

arranged by: Geoff Castellucci

release date: 30 December 2019

My favorite bits:

the little slides Earl puts on the beginning of ♫ "Ooh, child!" ♫ and ♫ "Yeees, Lord!" ♫

Eli and J.None following the direction to ♫ "dust your shoulders off" ♫

Geoff's subharmonic drop at the end of ♫ ⇘ "out the dooo-ooo-OOOOR" ⇘ ♫

J's smooth tone for the melody in "I Don't Care"

the high fanfare Earl gives to the transition

El's clear timbre on the lead for "7 Rings"

Layne's coquettish expression and J.None's finger twiddle to illustrate ♫ "getting in trouble" ♫

making it rain drizzle, and Geoff's confused expression when one of the bills lands in his lap 💸

the lovely three-part harmony on ♫ "write my own checks like I write what I sing" ♫

Layne joining in on the harmonies for "Memories" and "Someone You Loved"

Earl getting softer as he looks at suddenly melodramatic Eli in confusion 🤔

J.None showing off his falsetto at the beginning of "Sucker"

the stacatto repetition of ♫ "you you you" ♫

all the vocal antics as they bounce through "Bad Guy"

the combination of bouncy descending bass line and woodblock sounds Geoff and Layne do in "Señorita"

J.None indugling in a little cha-cha groove during the chorus 🕺

Earl's incredible tremolo in "Circles" (How does he DO that?!)

Eli slipping in a quick Ennio Morricone western movie sting

putting a little extra twang into their "Old Town Road" vocals

that fabulous descending riff on the second half of ♫ "guitar" ♫

return of the animated carrot for horsey Layne 🥕 🐎

Trivia:

○ The guys had previously recorded other versions of several of these songs, one together, and the rest with different performers.

"Bad Guy" was included in VoicePlay's "Billie Eilish in 3 Minutes" medley that was part of their spooky season offerings for the year.

It was also covered by PattyCake's incarnation of Maleficent to coincide with the release of Disney's live-action film sequel.

J.None had filmed multiple edutainment parodies with his friend Nikita for her JamSchooled series that were released both before and after this one. "7 Rings" became a lesson about money; "Old Town Road" turned into a tutorial on skeletal anatomy; and "Señorita" morphed into a rundown of ecosystems.

○ Lizzo's video for "Good As Hell" celebrates her history as a flute player in the school marching band. The members of VoicePlay are talented insturmentalists in their own rights.

Layne has been playing violin since he was four years old, primarily studying the Suzuki method, and was a member of the Florida Symphony Youth Orchestra. He also learned a bit of piano from his mom, and knows enough drum kit technique to convincingly mime while he beatboxes.

Geoff has played piano since middle school, studying both classical and jazz techniques. He also knows a little guitar, and learned to play the harmonica for a stint in the Blues Brothers show at Universal Studios.

Earl played trumpet and french horn through middle school and high school band.

Eli plays a bit of both piano and guitar, some of which he honed during his days in various rock bands.

J.None plays a number of instruments "passably" but doesn't consider himself proficient in any of them. They include piano, violin, guitar, accordion, saxophone, and clarinet.

○ The main melody of "Memories" contains a very recognizable portion of Pachelbel's "Canon in D", which (surprisingly) hasn't yet been included in any of VoicePlay's classical pieces or mashups.

[moeblob]

There was a post I saw about someone who mutually ghosted a guy after a date and kept matching with him and they're not interested but it's the longest "relationship" the person had been in at that point and I'm like. Karen would mutually ghost someone.

She doesn't really tell Brent/Right/Evelyn/Chris his name (he has a double first name, Patrick is not his last name) and just refers to him as "My Guy". Like "Ah damn, My Guy matched again. End my suffering." And when she tries to explain it to Right who does NOT understand how it's different, her logical answer is "it's my God given right to ghost a polite man!"

Also I just imagine her confiding in Paul about Rick and he's like "is his name Patrick" and she's like "kinda". And after that, Paul calls him "Pattycakes" cause he's never even seen the guy so why not give him a funny little nickname. He's allowed to do so at this point probably.

[delimeful]

just a little rush (2)

G/T July Day 5: Caught

warnings: angst, remus POV w more theoretical gore than usual, mentions of surgery & gore, jerk giant minor oc, panic, dissociation, dehumanization  

-

Remus hated to admit it, but Pattycakes had been right.

He definitely should have waited a little longer before trying for his next escape attempt.

It was the woulda-coulda-shoulda sort of regret that he didn’t usually waste time on. He was well aware of how many of his plans were bonafide bad ideas, and he generally went through with them anyhow.

The alternative was letting the fire ants under his skin grow more and more intolerable until he ended up doing the dumb thing anyway, but even more recklessly. It wasn’t so much a ‘choice’ as it was a ‘delay of the inevitable’.

After all, he was the only one getting hurt in the end, right?

Now, watching helplessly from behind birdcage bars as that bastard human loomed over Patton, he was finding that there were some consequences that could make him feel regret, after all.

Initially, the bastard had seemed eerily unperturbed by catching Remus in the act, even if his grip had gone dangerously tight for a heartbeat. He’d dropped Remus back in that gaudy cage without even a single word of scolding, turning away with a preoccupied gaze.

That should have been the first sign that something was about to go horribly wrong.

As it was, Remus’s bad feeling didn’t catch up with the reality of the situation until the human walked in mid-phone call, stopping right in front of them. The bastard looked them over with a calculating eye as he spoke to the tinny voice on the other end about prices and procedures, as though they were too dumb to put the pieces together.

Patton hadn’t stopped shaking until hours later, his wings tucked as tight against his back as they would go. Remus had forced himself silent for once, knowing that the gory thoughts he had to offer would only make the situation worse, and simply squeezed Patton against his side as securely as he could.

It wasn’t enough. It was never enough. No matter how hard they tried to cling on, it only took a single human hand to wrench them apart.

When the bastard had walked in with heavy leather gloves on, Remus had thought he was ready. He’d been prepared for his wings to be mangled, for tiny hollow bones to shatter and wiry muscles to be ground to a pulp, for even the lifelong pain of a botched amputation.

He hadn’t been prepared for the human to grab Patton, instead.

He was shouting, barking swears and threats and pleas that he barely registered as words as Patton was pinned against the polished wood of the nearby table.

It was like he had to make as much noise as possible to counter Patton’s awful, tremulous silence. His cellmate’s face had gone blank and pallid, eyes distant. A few of Remus’s shouts had made him twitch, but nothing seemed enough to bring him back to himself now.

The human— the monster pressed down on Patton’s wing joints and forced the feathery limb to flex open, soft blue plumage on full display.

It picked up a pair of narrow scissors, ignoring the compulsive twitches of the overextended wing under its hand.

The howl that Remus made was inhuman, shredding out of him like razor blades in his throat, and the human paused to glance over at him for the first time.

“Huh.” Its expression was pleased, almost smug. “That vet was right on the money with that ‘social creatures’ thing. Maybe this will finally teach you that there are consequences to your actions, hm?”

It flicked the scissors open with a metallic sound, and as though it was a signal that all was lost, Patton went entirely limp with resignation.

Remus forced himself to keep gripping the bars with numb hands, to keep his ears uncovered, to keep his gaze locked on the only friend he had here. His heart felt like a hammer against his ribs, his mind conjuring up a hundred different gruesome imaginings that were all nothing in comparison to knowing it was about to happen for real.

Patton was going to be grounded forever, at best, and it was his fault. The least he could do was witness exactly what he’d caused.

The monster slid the scissor blades into place, adjusting the angle once or twice, and then snapped them shut with a sharp snkt!

A fistful of feathers tumbled free from Patton’s wing, jagged at one end from where they’d been sheared off. Another cut, and more downy blue scraps fluttered down to the desk’s surface.

Remus felt his breath catch in his throat, a sick and sudden hope twisting through him.

He waited on pins and needles as first one wing, and then the next, had their feathers cropped short with snip after snip of the scissors. There was no split flesh or severed bone, only the near-silent whisper of more and more feathers being cut away.

There were a few moments where the scissors got dangerously close to clipping a blood feather, but ultimately, when Patton was deposited back in the cage, it was without a single wound.

Well. Without any physical wounds.

Even as Remus gathered his friend into a crushing hug, Patton remained unresponsive. Checking him over revealed dull eyes and his shorn wings laid out limply behind him.

He didn’t twitch, not even when the human reached in and clicked a thick, bulky piece of plastic around his shin.

More than willing to pick up the slack, Remus lunged at the intruding digits with a snarl and bared teeth, his wings flared out aggressively.

There was no biting through gloves that thick, though, and with a few casual movements, it had him pinned down with suffocating force. A pair of fingers pinched around his leg, pulling the limb straight and maneuvering something hard and smooth into place around it despite his best efforts to kick and writhe.

There was a click, and the bastard finally, finally withdrew, closing and locking the cage door thoroughly behind it.

Remus barely spared a glance for the thick plastic cuff that had been latched around his lower leg or the wire cord connecting it to the other half of the restraint where it sat on Patton’s own leg. It didn’t matter, not compared to the insistent urge to reach out and make sure that Patton was really there, really alive despite his current lifelessness.

At first, he scoffed at the idea that it was a punishment to be linked to his only companion in this sterile gold-leafed hell, but a closer inspection of Patton’s wings revealed the truth.

Almost every single primary had been severed, an obvious gap with a long stretch of jagged angles left behind. Patton wouldn’t be able to fly like that. Remus would be surprised if he could even manage to glide like that.

Oh. He understood now.

Without use of his wings, the chances of them escaping dropped as abruptly as a piano from the top of a skyscraper, going from challenging to near-impossible.

Hurting Patton and making him watch had been the punishment. Cuffing them together, making it so that any attempt to fly, to escape, would end with Patton inevitably dragging them down— that was a reminder.

Maybe they could still manage to find a way out, if Patton could be persuaded once he came back to himself.

Maybe next time they got caught, it would be the wing itself that was snapped, instead of just the feathers.

Maybe the punishments would continue to escalate until all that was left to cuff Remus to was Patton’s bloodied corpse.

“Sunshine,” he tried with an unsteady voice, desperate for a response, anything to get his mind off the miserable hopelessness of their situation. “Can you hear me?”

Patton didn’t even blink, his mind far away and his body unresponsive. He stared through Remus with glassy eyes, and Remus bit his lip hard enough to draw blood, forcing his breathing into something steadier out of spite alone.

Okay. Patty Wagon wasn’t quite ready to come back yet. That was alright.

Remus could take care of them both for a little bit.

He drew Patton closer, folding his friend’s wings back in as neatly as he could and resisting the urge to run his fingers obsessively over the irregular edges of the cut feathers– they’d need to be removed, but not now. Not now.

Once his mangled wings weren’t laying askew, Patton started looking a little less like roadkill. It was alarmingly easy to maneuver him into a hopefully-comfortable sleeping position, as simple as wrapping an arm around his shoulders and squishing him against his side like they were dead fish in a tin.

It might have been his imagination, but when he ran his hand over Patton’s back, he thought it was a little less tense than before.

With nightmarish visions still playing on the back of his eyelids every time he blinked, Remus mantled his wings to hide the both of them as best he could, and settled in for a sleepless night.

[snowbunnytrick]

it's so hard to choose and i kind of want to ask you to explain all of them but particulary /b/tard pattycakes is the funniest thing ive read all day and im dying to know what its about

thank you so much. it delights me every time i remember it's in my folder

FUCK OFF RE:DEGENERATE ASSHOLE Anonymous 09/07/08(Fri)15:50:47 No.717794 >

I don't care how pissed off you dumbfucks get becus I'm namefagging. I DONT CARE. I want that fuckers head on a pike and you KNOW the asshole I'm talking about. I'm tired of his fucking loli threads and retarded secrets threads and how every time I post pics he responds with stupid shit about how he wants to lock me in a basement because he's a faggot creep. I'M LITERALLY UNDERAGE. I'm sorry for posting face pics, okay???!!! Maybe I just want someone to tell me that I'm not the ugliest lamest most disgusting guy I know and that I'm just average (I'm fine with being average) without getting sexually assaulted on line. Go back to /lit/ you pretentious piece of shit fucker. Eat shit and die I'M NOT KIDDING.

>> Anonymous 09/07/08(Fri)15:52:03 No.717795 > i cant believe you want me this bad. ill send you my address if you want. you can be my penpal and then maybe you can stop shitting up the boards with how hard youre jacking your little boy cock off to me. ive saved at least 3gigs worth of pix of you. i think youre an angel. i love you.

~

basically patrick is a miserable shut-in computer nerd who spends a lot of time on vintage 4chan and he gets his ass chewed regularly for posting very badly on there and pete develops a psychosexual relationship with him after he starts posting pics of himself for validation and the feelings eventually become mutual. i can't get enough of internet-based aus

wip game asks <3

[trashogram]

More scattered weasel things:

• I can’t decide if I like the idea that the weasels knew Doom was a cartoon or if they thought he was an actual human. The novelization apparently has Smartass aware of Doom being a toon, but I’m also partial to the idea that the gang took up orders from a human bc they thought it gave them a higher status among their fellow species. • Also wondering if the Toon Patrol, or any of them singular, has also killed a human — or even if they were able to participate in murdering other toons with Dip. In the Disneyland ride, they deploy dip without the help of Judge Doom, so it’s possible. • I debate over if I should start on the theory of toons having free will or not. That requires a lot of time and its own post. And then just general Reader/Toon Patrol stuff:

• Tbh I feel like Reader learning that laughing too much/nonstop can kill the weasels breaks her heart. Her poor little guys :(

• I feel like it would actually take Reader the longest to get used to Greasy bc he’s an overwhelming skirt chaser/sex pest

• Trying to figure out how Wheezy would get attached — I imagine him as a silent guard dog type. You’re not even sure if he likes you, but then he takes on 10 men to protect you one night and you’re stunned with that answer.

• Psycho steals your shit. He’s a hoarder when it comes to obsessions. Don’t @ me.

• Smartass fantasizes about being the mayor of Toontown and Reader is always his secretary/wife. He and Greasy have to have a ✨Complex✨ concerning being toons, I just feel it in my bones.

• Reader cannot point that out or she risks angering them, but treating them as equal to human men or stroking their egos about how they’re “even better” than human men gets them going.

• Considering Snow White-inspired reader becoming corrupted when she’s around the gang too much and helps them out with their schemes. And maybe they actually accomplish stuff with her around lol.

• I have an odd line with the explicit/nsfw stuff in that I feel comfortable with coming up for ideas with it if Reader becomes a toon herself. Like with Roger/Jessica — I’ve made shitposts about their sex life out of spite, but it really doesn’t bother me to imagine that between them. Idk why. It would be the same with the Toon Patrol. • Also on that note, including Stupid in any of it makes me go “eughhhh maybe not”. I think the most risqué thing I could ever include him in is literal pattycake. • Why I would be fine w/ including Psycho — I think he’s a stealth/hidden genius personally. It’s just a funny idea to me, but because he was made to be, well… psycho, he’s still incompetent/not the leader. • If you want NSFW toon patrol, lemme know lol

[pianokantzart]

Super Mario Brothers Super Show (Season 1, Ep. 1)

A couple of scattered thoughts on the first episode that I’m watching on youtube.

I’m only going to be paying attention to the cartoon parts. I like the acting and the sets of the live actions bits are fine, but quite frankly I would like to strangle whoever it was that was put in charge of the laugh track. The random canned laughter at nonsensical moments made that segment borderline unwatchable for me.

Okay, here we go... Season 1, Episode 1: “The Bird! The Bird!”

According to the opening monologue, Mario and Luigi just rescued Princess Toadstool (would liked to have seen that, but okay) and are now searching for “the magic” that will free The Princess’s kingdom and send Mario & Luigi back to Brooklyn, (I guess they haven’t decided on a MacGuffin yet.) Toad is pulling Princess Toadstool along like a sled dog before getting scooped up by a lispy birdo, who has saliva actively pouring out of her mouth.

It has been 30 seconds.

I’ve got to say, most of the voice acting is pretty good except for Princess Toadstool. I hope her delivery gets better further on in the show, because right now every sentence out of her mouth sounds super phoned in. 

Luigi unironically crying because he thinks that Toad is gone for good is actually really sweet?

 In fact, all of Team Mario have some nice little interactions. Good to see that no matter how ridiculous things get or what the continuity is, there’s still that comradery. 

What is with all the spit in this episode?  First we’ve got the birdo with the hypersalivation issue, and then we’ve got the... whatever those are... licking King Koopa’s feet for an uncomfortable length of time. 

Makes me worry about how much of this show is going to be some 80s writer’s poorly-disguised fetish

No, but seriously, wtf are these things??? What game are they from?

Princess Toadstool pointed out a fire flower and Mario’s first instinct was to eat it asdflkakf why is he so hungry.

The Mario Brothers do a weird pasta pattycake parody to hype themselves up?... alright. Weird, but kinda cute.

King Koopa showed up with an entire battalion to capture Team Mario, got hit by exactly 3 turnips, then ordered a retreat lmao.

The episode ends with a giant pink worm gravely insulted that Mario didn’t want to eat him.

Conclusion: I am terrified and intrigued.